Maybe I'm getting old in my young age...

I am still in Paris. Yep. I'm still here.

I checked on line. There was a bus to Bologna. I was supposed to be on it. The was a bus to Bologna. Departing tonight. At 5pm. Tonight. I checked.

...Online.

But in reality, it apparently only runs every other day.

So here I am.

I spent the entire day, miserable, wandering in the rain. Going from subway station to subway staion. Excuse me, "metro". Asking and re-asking the prices, times, and dates of buses trains, etc.

Crying when I was tired and wet and cold. Searching hotel after hotel when it was apparent I would have to stay the night.

...I won't bore with the details, but eventually I made it back to the hostel I stayed at before-- tonight I will be sharing a room with two lovely girls from Melborne, and pity them having to deal with my cough all night...hope I don't alienate them too much-- and have been happy ever since.

I'm not going to go to Bologna. Not yet.

Since I began my journey, all these relatively aweful, but manageable things have been happening. I have been in a constant state of panic and frustration and homesickness; waiting and holding my breath to MOVE ON to the next place.

I think the world is telling me to slow down.

After all, if I'm not enjoying myself here...than why am I here? I didn't leave a job in the US so that I could just get up and work in Europe...and for no money...did I? Or did I?

When is my vacation?

Growing up, it was always such a foreign concept to me. We didn't really have vacations. We couldn't afford them or there wasn't time, or maybe the fact that my parents were doing what they love the most meant they didn't need a vacation as much...I don't know.

But I want one.

I have decided, that unless something huge changes, I will be going home when my ticket returns on December 2nd, mostly because I have realized something I never thought: I love my friends and my family. Now that sounds harsh and awkward and is not meant to be so, but perhaps what I really mean is that I didn't realise how MUCH I love them.

Until I saw a whole beautiful world and realised none of them were there to share it with.

I like being alone...no, I don't, but it seems to be a preference of sorts and I do value alone time, and NEED it-- it is something I have not had in a while. But I saw the Eiffel Tower last night, and I couldn't point to it and look at Annie and see the smile on her face. I couldn't kiss Michael on the lover's bridge or talk about how we'd love to sing in the Sacre Cour one day with Jenny, or squabble with my sister over who gets the bigger piece of Gateau...

I need these people. I would fight for and hold close all these people who are my friends and family.

Sorry to get mushy, but it has been a bit of a huge revelation.

...in any case, I am staying in Paris. For 2 more days.

I am going to stay in the hostle and pay the 21 Euro per night-- an incredibly cheap price by the way, but still huge for me...if I weren't "on vacation" or on a journey or...me.

I couldn't wait to get out of the city.

So it's time to stay.

And then I'm heading south.

We'll see where the road begins...

Sweet dreams to everyone. I'm thinking of you. All.


...not like Big Brother...